Thursday, August 1, 2013
HAPPY READINGS...& NOTHING BUT!
http://beforeitsnews.com/survival/2013/08/34-medical-studies-proving-cannabis-cures-cancer-2483174.html
Monday, April 8, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
The Color Line Is Being Erased
I love reading controversy. Especially, those intended to be erased from history. Many refuse to discuss the eras of indentured servitude and slavery that has stained the history books; even though the chapters regarding are miniscule in comparison to other points in history. We, as a people, are ashamed. Yet, we brush these travesties off as mere tales. Understand, they are very much a part of you and I.
Today, the advancement of technology has allowed us to get a glance into our very own heritage via DNA. The lowering cost of testing has allowed for us to get a grip of our own lineage. Many have elected to participate for the sole idea of knowledge and have made confusing discoveries. Due to the eras, many have discovered that their ancestry has been greatly exaggerated. Some of us have been reared to believe the fallacies bestowed upon us by word-of-mouth. Many of us have come to believe that we were of a certain heritage but have been proven wrong since the beginning of genetic testing. Those who were told that they were of Latin, European, or some other Caucasoid race have discovered a large percentage of African heritage flowing through their veins. Some have been brought up to believe that they are of Native American lineage but, in all actuality, Asian lineage has been discovered. As well as those who believed that they are of European lineage have found that they are, in fact, a larger percentage of African lineage; at times more prevalent than originally discussed within the confines of their family dynamics.
Essays on the U.S. Color Line » Blog Archive » The Invention of the Color Line: 1691
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
A Few Questions That I Have About Standards
How can you have high standards, when you have nothing?
How can you be too good to catch the city bus but you have no vehicle or refuse to offer others gas fare?
How can you be hungry but too good to eat what is offered to you?
How can you not eat for three days but be too good to go to a community center or church to feed the disadvantaged?
How can you have no food and no finances coming anytime soon but be too good to go to the food bank?
How can you barely live paycheck to paycheck but be too good to apply for food stamps?
How can you have no home or cannot find one within your income level but too good to apply for subsidized housing, Section 8, or any other related program?
How can you move hell and high water to purchase those new kicks every one's dying for but your child (or children) are in a pair of low grade shoes from seasons' past?
How can you make a hair appointments but your child looks like Buckwheat all the time?
How can you have money but let your innocent child go without?
How can you be a five (physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or financially) and think that you deserve a ten?
How can you make astronomically irresponsible car payments but have no home of your own (either rent or own) but refuse to pay rent where you live or choose to live to sofa to sofa?
How can everyday be a party but you have no finances to fund to fun?
How can you waste money on trivialities but refuse to save for a rainy day?
How can you create a problem but expect someone else to worry about or solve it for you?
How can you look your child in the eye but blame another for your quandaries and mismanagement of finances?
How can you live for today when your children and grandchildren will be here tomorrow?
How can you be too good to catch the city bus but you have no vehicle or refuse to offer others gas fare?
How can you be hungry but too good to eat what is offered to you?
How can you not eat for three days but be too good to go to a community center or church to feed the disadvantaged?
How can you have no food and no finances coming anytime soon but be too good to go to the food bank?
How can you barely live paycheck to paycheck but be too good to apply for food stamps?
How can you have no home or cannot find one within your income level but too good to apply for subsidized housing, Section 8, or any other related program?
How can you move hell and high water to purchase those new kicks every one's dying for but your child (or children) are in a pair of low grade shoes from seasons' past?
How can you make a hair appointments but your child looks like Buckwheat all the time?
How can you have money but let your innocent child go without?
How can you be a five (physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or financially) and think that you deserve a ten?
How can you make astronomically irresponsible car payments but have no home of your own (either rent or own) but refuse to pay rent where you live or choose to live to sofa to sofa?
How can everyday be a party but you have no finances to fund to fun?
How can you waste money on trivialities but refuse to save for a rainy day?
How can you create a problem but expect someone else to worry about or solve it for you?
How can you look your child in the eye but blame another for your quandaries and mismanagement of finances?
How can you live for today when your children and grandchildren will be here tomorrow?
Monday, March 11, 2013
In Honor Of The Notorious B.I.G....
I live by a code. A simple code; nonetheless. I feel that every relationship - regardless of with whom it may be with- should be governed by rules, regulations, bouundaries, and limitations. At least, that's my motto. No, it's not Y.O.L.O. Yet, when it comes to everyone else; who knows what their motto is? I can't tell. The things that are going on in the world, today, have me baffled. These governing rules of society and its subgenres only seem to be respected by only a few. In some instances, those that are old enough to remember, understand, and respect the unwritten rules are not showing any respect for them, either. I understand that there may be far too many rules to keep up with; so today we will go easy and focus on a certain set of rules gifted to us from the infamous Notorious B.I.G.
Upon the anniversary of his death, I couldn't help but reflect on his stanzas were influential to me and how his lessons through prose resonated with my impressionable self. I am the eldest sibling and, like many fans, his tales and wordsmithing would play a pivotal part in my learning processes. He, like many rappers, would become very much apart of my upbringing; unbeknownst to them they were viewed as my older brothers. I enjoyed every lesson that was delivered. Like all lessons, I soak them up like a sponge and use them accordingly. Now, that's game.
The rules that I reference to are from a track on his second and final studio album on Bad Boy Records entitled Life After Death. The track that I am reffering to is called, 'The Ten Crack Commandments'. The album was released posthumously on March 25, 1997; 16 days after his death and was accepted with extreme praise by both underground and commercial hip hop heads alike. I remember the excitement of the release of the CD. It was being released after his death and the streets couldn't wait for it to hit. The excitement was due, in large part, to the urge to try to understand where his head was at because there would be no chance for MTV, BET, or any other interviews to ask him. Secondly, a double CD of the B.I.G.'s clean delivery, wit, and wordplay was like a gift from the hip hop gods. I, also, remember that many people had to purchase the CD numerous times due to it coming up missing. I admit that I bought it, had it stolen from me, stole it from someone else, that one was stolen from me, I had to buy another copy, and the saga went on and on. We would not understand the concept of an ipod or MP4 player; that would be considered alien technology. It WAS the nineties.
Listed as number five on the second disc of the compilation, it grabbed the attention of everyone; even those that did not distribute the narcotic. Though the song was directed to the drug affliated world, it could just as well be applied to the business world or the world; in general. Even though my life is far from drug-filled and it is far from the nineties, I still can apply the majority of these "commandments" -if not all- to many aspects of my daily life. You, too, can learn a lesson from Biggie; even if you did not have the pleasure of experiencing him during his era as I have. Hell, you can learn a lot from the music from that era because there were stories to be told and lessons to be taught. We'll save that subject for a future blog entry. So, I give you the condensed version of 'The Ten Crack Commandments' and a sort of translation for those unaware:
Number 1: Never let no one know how much dough you hold, 'cause you know the cheddar breed jealousy 'specially if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up.
Translation: Keep your finances to yourself because many will envy you because of it and will do anything to take it or prevent it.
Number 2: Never let 'em know your next move; don't you know Bad Boys move in silence or violence. Take it from your highness. I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips.
Translation: Keep your schedule and whereabouts to yourself because it makes it easier to keep yourself in harm's way.
Number 3: Never trust nobody. Your moms'll set that ass up, properly gassed up, hoodie to mask up, shit, for that fast buck. She be layin' in the bushes to light that ass up.
Translation: Trust no one because trust is not a given.
Number 4: Know you heard this before: never get high, on your own supply.
Translation: Whatever products you sell or services that you operate should never be taken advantage by you.
Number 5: Never sell no crack where you rest at. I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce.
Translation: Business should be conducted in a proper setting or in the immortal words of my uncle: You never shit where you eat!
Number 6: That god damn credit, dead it. You think a crackhead payin you back, shit, forget it.
Translation: Credit and loans from you to others will not help you in the future. Most people try to forget their debts. Banks and financial institutions have stopped and so should you.
Number 7: This rule is so underrated: keep your family and business completely seperated. Money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch: find yourself in serious shit.
Transation: Business and personal life should be kept seperated. Due to the close relationship with the other party, conflicts of interest will always arise.
Number 8: Never keep no weight on you. Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too.
Translation: Having large amounts of cash on you, spending large amounts in public forums, flashing expensive items, etc. will always make the envious pay attention to you; making for an easy target.
Number 9: Shoulda been number, to me: if you ain't gettin bags stay the fuck from police. If niggaz think you snitchin they ain't tryin listen. They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin.
Translation: Unless you are a politician or high ranking community member, keep a "when needed" relationship with the police. If people think that you talk too much they will not have too much conversation or even a business relationship with you.
Number 10: A strong word called consignment; strictly for live men, not for freshmen. If you ain't got the clientele say, "Hell no", 'cause they gon want they money rain, sleet, hail, snow.
Translation: Once again, we are discussing credit. Not the giving of credit but being on the receiving end. If someone wants to finance your business venture, you need to make sure that your plan is precise because investors want their money; regardless if the idea was a success or not.
Upon the anniversary of his death, I couldn't help but reflect on his stanzas were influential to me and how his lessons through prose resonated with my impressionable self. I am the eldest sibling and, like many fans, his tales and wordsmithing would play a pivotal part in my learning processes. He, like many rappers, would become very much apart of my upbringing; unbeknownst to them they were viewed as my older brothers. I enjoyed every lesson that was delivered. Like all lessons, I soak them up like a sponge and use them accordingly. Now, that's game.
The rules that I reference to are from a track on his second and final studio album on Bad Boy Records entitled Life After Death. The track that I am reffering to is called, 'The Ten Crack Commandments'. The album was released posthumously on March 25, 1997; 16 days after his death and was accepted with extreme praise by both underground and commercial hip hop heads alike. I remember the excitement of the release of the CD. It was being released after his death and the streets couldn't wait for it to hit. The excitement was due, in large part, to the urge to try to understand where his head was at because there would be no chance for MTV, BET, or any other interviews to ask him. Secondly, a double CD of the B.I.G.'s clean delivery, wit, and wordplay was like a gift from the hip hop gods. I, also, remember that many people had to purchase the CD numerous times due to it coming up missing. I admit that I bought it, had it stolen from me, stole it from someone else, that one was stolen from me, I had to buy another copy, and the saga went on and on. We would not understand the concept of an ipod or MP4 player; that would be considered alien technology. It WAS the nineties.
Listed as number five on the second disc of the compilation, it grabbed the attention of everyone; even those that did not distribute the narcotic. Though the song was directed to the drug affliated world, it could just as well be applied to the business world or the world; in general. Even though my life is far from drug-filled and it is far from the nineties, I still can apply the majority of these "commandments" -if not all- to many aspects of my daily life. You, too, can learn a lesson from Biggie; even if you did not have the pleasure of experiencing him during his era as I have. Hell, you can learn a lot from the music from that era because there were stories to be told and lessons to be taught. We'll save that subject for a future blog entry. So, I give you the condensed version of 'The Ten Crack Commandments' and a sort of translation for those unaware:
Number 1: Never let no one know how much dough you hold, 'cause you know the cheddar breed jealousy 'specially if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up.
Translation: Keep your finances to yourself because many will envy you because of it and will do anything to take it or prevent it.
Number 2: Never let 'em know your next move; don't you know Bad Boys move in silence or violence. Take it from your highness. I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips.
Translation: Keep your schedule and whereabouts to yourself because it makes it easier to keep yourself in harm's way.
Number 3: Never trust nobody. Your moms'll set that ass up, properly gassed up, hoodie to mask up, shit, for that fast buck. She be layin' in the bushes to light that ass up.
Translation: Trust no one because trust is not a given.
Number 4: Know you heard this before: never get high, on your own supply.
Translation: Whatever products you sell or services that you operate should never be taken advantage by you.
Number 5: Never sell no crack where you rest at. I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce.
Translation: Business should be conducted in a proper setting or in the immortal words of my uncle: You never shit where you eat!
Number 6: That god damn credit, dead it. You think a crackhead payin you back, shit, forget it.
Translation: Credit and loans from you to others will not help you in the future. Most people try to forget their debts. Banks and financial institutions have stopped and so should you.
Number 7: This rule is so underrated: keep your family and business completely seperated. Money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch: find yourself in serious shit.
Transation: Business and personal life should be kept seperated. Due to the close relationship with the other party, conflicts of interest will always arise.
Number 8: Never keep no weight on you. Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too.
Translation: Having large amounts of cash on you, spending large amounts in public forums, flashing expensive items, etc. will always make the envious pay attention to you; making for an easy target.
Number 9: Shoulda been number, to me: if you ain't gettin bags stay the fuck from police. If niggaz think you snitchin they ain't tryin listen. They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin.
Translation: Unless you are a politician or high ranking community member, keep a "when needed" relationship with the police. If people think that you talk too much they will not have too much conversation or even a business relationship with you.
Number 10: A strong word called consignment; strictly for live men, not for freshmen. If you ain't got the clientele say, "Hell no", 'cause they gon want they money rain, sleet, hail, snow.
Translation: Once again, we are discussing credit. Not the giving of credit but being on the receiving end. If someone wants to finance your business venture, you need to make sure that your plan is precise because investors want their money; regardless if the idea was a success or not.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Being A Housewife Is Work; At Least, For Me It Is
I would love to work a decent nine to five, again. I have worked jobs here and there but nothing lucrative. I have tried to start businesses but, as of yet, nothing has been truly successful. The only thing that I seem to be successful at is taking care of people. I was a single mother of three and then, became a wife and stepmother of four as well. Dropping off and picking up children from school, maintaining a sanitary home, attending appointments, cooking meals everyday, and all that comes with the basic necessities of maintaining life tend to take up a majority of my time and can become stressful. Yet, when you have a partner that has medical issues, your stress levels have the tendency to be extremely unbalanced. To have to maintain some sort of balance for everyone while dealing with these issues can be a challenge. It has been a challenge. Believe me.
From the very first time that my partner had an acute attack, I have been there with him. To see a grown man convulsing, vomiting, and crying from severe abdominal pain is heart wrenching. I learned that he has been dealing with this sort of pain since the age of sixteen and over the years the pain has worsened. His personal doctor, emergency room doctors, and family all believed that he suffered from an extreme case of IBS. Being the person that lived with him and a research nut, I begged to differ. The symptoms are similar but there are far more differences than similarities.
I began to notice the different triggers that would produce an attack, whether severe or minor. Believe it or not, only about a third of the triggers for his pain are food related. The others being his prescriptions and any type of stress; whether it is his or someone else's. These triggers have caused many emergency room visits and hospital stays. His other medical issues have prevented an earlier diagnosis for his stomach pain. Yet, as time went on, I have noticed that part of the misdiagnoses were due to a combination of factors:
1) Emergency Room Prejudice: Due to the constant influx of patients into the emergency room, many patients are labeled, stereotyped, and put into categories of importance. Hospitals will deny this but with as many emergency room visits and hospital stays that we have had to deal with, you begin to learn the system. Keep in mind that the majority of the doctor's that are in the emergency room are interns and medical students with very few seasoned, experienced doctors in that department. That is why you are admitted, so that a doctor that is within the hospital that has expertise in your particular condition can rightfully assess your condition. Hopefully.
2) Lack Of A Support System: Once again, stereotypes and prejudices come into play. During a visit to the emergency room, many are in severe pain or even incoherent and are not able to to speak for or speak up for themselves. That is why it is important for someone to be there to answer the volatile questions that could better assess a patient's condition. If not, many are put into the proverbial box or not treated as they should.
3) Need For Compassion In Compassionate Care Setting: The time crunch within this setting allows for prejudices to come to play. Those in pain are labeled drug addicts that come to get a fix. Even if there is evidence to the contrary. That becomes easier and time efficient rather than asking the deeper questions. Those that are incoherent are labeled high, crazy, pushed to the side, or just discharged because there is a need for a bed. We, too, have witnessed and have been subjected to this.
4) Doctors' Ego: We have come across some real assholes within the medical profession. I have truly witnessed the God complex first hand on numerous occasions. You are taught that the doctor would have a listening ear and assess your situation accordingly. That is not always the case. Some medical professionals tend to let ego get in the way of their profession. During these thirteen years of our relationship, I have done my own research along side of all of this. Determined to prove that his illness was not a Somatoform Pain Disorder. I decided to go to doctor's appointments with him and began suggesting a battery of tests. Only within the past few years have these tests been actually referred. Only at the doctor's request, of course. As long as we are getting closer to the truth, prognosis, and solutions. That is all we want.
5) Budget Cuts: My favorite! As we already know, budget cuts ruin everything. The cutting of corners always has a negative side to it. Whether it is at your house or the White House, they are very much apart of everyday operation and survival. It is just what it is: a bigger fish to fry.
So, it seems that we are finally getting to a diagnosis for his abdominal pain. It is appearing to be a porphyria. If so, this is a double edged sword. We will be grateful for an actual diagnosis; as well as a sad because there is no cure for it. There is to be diet and stress management but the pain aspect of this condition is inevitable. Porphyrins have been detected in his urine on a couple of occasions. Now we have to set up more tests to find out which porphyria he actually has. All the while he is dealing with congestive heart failure, a mitral valve replacement six years ago, and an upcoming aortic valve replacement within the few weeks, and all of the possible stress and depressions that he goes through as a result. Believe me, this is constant.
As we await the actual date of his surgery, I can see the depression fade in and out. I can only imagine what he can be going through, mentally. He tends to internalize his stress and anger; in which causes him to misdirect those very emotions instead of dealing with them head on. This has a negative influence rather than a positive one on him and all that are involved; all the while he is unaware that it causes the very symptoms that instigates an acute attack. He sleeps for over twelve hours everyday; in which causes him to miss out on life; in general. I don't know if all of his fatigue's due to his physical or mental health. I can only imagine but am pretty sure that his very own mortality must come to mind constantly. He admits that he stresses too much over his adult children. He has acknowledged that he longs for the same closeness that was shared when his children were younger. He doesn't seem to realize that they are adults with families and that they are taking advantage of his kindness. He will take the closeness any way that he can; even if he hurts after. He just wants someone to call him with general concern rather than a general need. He doesn't realize that he is abusing himself by neglecting himself. He just wants to prevent the world from hurting them without realizing that they must learn to adjust to life without his assistance. I try to be as much of a support system as I can be through all of this, even though I am constantly stressed by it all and the fact that all of this requires me to give 175% because he can only give 25%. Yet, somehow he feels that I can give more. People whose opinions don't matter think that I should be doing more. I can't. What would be left for myself and where the hell are they when the going gets tough?
I have been through the issues of single parenthood, blended families, raising children and so much more. All the while putting my dreams, aspirations, and goals on hold. I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. It wouldn't be fair. Yet, whenever I plan anything, his illnesses and disorders become the main focal point in our lives. It is just the way things have been. I hope this surgery, this diagnosis, and a little therapy will do him just fine. The next objective is to get him to even see someone. Five children are out of the house, two more to go and there's a gang of grandchildren to live to see grow up. I just want him to conjure up the will to live.
Believe it or not, the things that I want out of life are very much important to me. I have numerous entrepreneurial ideas that would be lucrative for the community as a whole; as well as myself . I write every now and then and have been told that it is something that I should pursue. To balance my qi, I dabble in art that I have began to display around my house and have been complemented on. I, also, am an excellent cook that tends to be successfully experimental in the kitchen. All the while, dealing with my own OCD and a bunch of forgotten acronyms. I have this under control. I play my position well. I may not get paid for being the mother, wife, lover, chauffeur, cook, laundress, maid, nurse, therapist, maintenance, inventory specialist, janitor, housekeeper, IT specialist, hostess, party planner, personal assistant, stylist, interior designer, interior decorator, encyclopedia, dictionary, and psychic medium; just to name a few. Add synesthete (more here, here, here, and here), intuitive empath (more here and here), artist, future author and entrepreneur to that list and it should sound about right. Now, if this is not work, I don't know what is.
From the very first time that my partner had an acute attack, I have been there with him. To see a grown man convulsing, vomiting, and crying from severe abdominal pain is heart wrenching. I learned that he has been dealing with this sort of pain since the age of sixteen and over the years the pain has worsened. His personal doctor, emergency room doctors, and family all believed that he suffered from an extreme case of IBS. Being the person that lived with him and a research nut, I begged to differ. The symptoms are similar but there are far more differences than similarities.
I began to notice the different triggers that would produce an attack, whether severe or minor. Believe it or not, only about a third of the triggers for his pain are food related. The others being his prescriptions and any type of stress; whether it is his or someone else's. These triggers have caused many emergency room visits and hospital stays. His other medical issues have prevented an earlier diagnosis for his stomach pain. Yet, as time went on, I have noticed that part of the misdiagnoses were due to a combination of factors:
1) Emergency Room Prejudice: Due to the constant influx of patients into the emergency room, many patients are labeled, stereotyped, and put into categories of importance. Hospitals will deny this but with as many emergency room visits and hospital stays that we have had to deal with, you begin to learn the system. Keep in mind that the majority of the doctor's that are in the emergency room are interns and medical students with very few seasoned, experienced doctors in that department. That is why you are admitted, so that a doctor that is within the hospital that has expertise in your particular condition can rightfully assess your condition. Hopefully.
2) Lack Of A Support System: Once again, stereotypes and prejudices come into play. During a visit to the emergency room, many are in severe pain or even incoherent and are not able to to speak for or speak up for themselves. That is why it is important for someone to be there to answer the volatile questions that could better assess a patient's condition. If not, many are put into the proverbial box or not treated as they should.
3) Need For Compassion In Compassionate Care Setting: The time crunch within this setting allows for prejudices to come to play. Those in pain are labeled drug addicts that come to get a fix. Even if there is evidence to the contrary. That becomes easier and time efficient rather than asking the deeper questions. Those that are incoherent are labeled high, crazy, pushed to the side, or just discharged because there is a need for a bed. We, too, have witnessed and have been subjected to this.
4) Doctors' Ego: We have come across some real assholes within the medical profession. I have truly witnessed the God complex first hand on numerous occasions. You are taught that the doctor would have a listening ear and assess your situation accordingly. That is not always the case. Some medical professionals tend to let ego get in the way of their profession. During these thirteen years of our relationship, I have done my own research along side of all of this. Determined to prove that his illness was not a Somatoform Pain Disorder. I decided to go to doctor's appointments with him and began suggesting a battery of tests. Only within the past few years have these tests been actually referred. Only at the doctor's request, of course. As long as we are getting closer to the truth, prognosis, and solutions. That is all we want.
5) Budget Cuts: My favorite! As we already know, budget cuts ruin everything. The cutting of corners always has a negative side to it. Whether it is at your house or the White House, they are very much apart of everyday operation and survival. It is just what it is: a bigger fish to fry.
So, it seems that we are finally getting to a diagnosis for his abdominal pain. It is appearing to be a porphyria. If so, this is a double edged sword. We will be grateful for an actual diagnosis; as well as a sad because there is no cure for it. There is to be diet and stress management but the pain aspect of this condition is inevitable. Porphyrins have been detected in his urine on a couple of occasions. Now we have to set up more tests to find out which porphyria he actually has. All the while he is dealing with congestive heart failure, a mitral valve replacement six years ago, and an upcoming aortic valve replacement within the few weeks, and all of the possible stress and depressions that he goes through as a result. Believe me, this is constant.
As we await the actual date of his surgery, I can see the depression fade in and out. I can only imagine what he can be going through, mentally. He tends to internalize his stress and anger; in which causes him to misdirect those very emotions instead of dealing with them head on. This has a negative influence rather than a positive one on him and all that are involved; all the while he is unaware that it causes the very symptoms that instigates an acute attack. He sleeps for over twelve hours everyday; in which causes him to miss out on life; in general. I don't know if all of his fatigue's due to his physical or mental health. I can only imagine but am pretty sure that his very own mortality must come to mind constantly. He admits that he stresses too much over his adult children. He has acknowledged that he longs for the same closeness that was shared when his children were younger. He doesn't seem to realize that they are adults with families and that they are taking advantage of his kindness. He will take the closeness any way that he can; even if he hurts after. He just wants someone to call him with general concern rather than a general need. He doesn't realize that he is abusing himself by neglecting himself. He just wants to prevent the world from hurting them without realizing that they must learn to adjust to life without his assistance. I try to be as much of a support system as I can be through all of this, even though I am constantly stressed by it all and the fact that all of this requires me to give 175% because he can only give 25%. Yet, somehow he feels that I can give more. People whose opinions don't matter think that I should be doing more. I can't. What would be left for myself and where the hell are they when the going gets tough?
I have been through the issues of single parenthood, blended families, raising children and so much more. All the while putting my dreams, aspirations, and goals on hold. I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. It wouldn't be fair. Yet, whenever I plan anything, his illnesses and disorders become the main focal point in our lives. It is just the way things have been. I hope this surgery, this diagnosis, and a little therapy will do him just fine. The next objective is to get him to even see someone. Five children are out of the house, two more to go and there's a gang of grandchildren to live to see grow up. I just want him to conjure up the will to live.
Believe it or not, the things that I want out of life are very much important to me. I have numerous entrepreneurial ideas that would be lucrative for the community as a whole; as well as myself . I write every now and then and have been told that it is something that I should pursue. To balance my qi, I dabble in art that I have began to display around my house and have been complemented on. I, also, am an excellent cook that tends to be successfully experimental in the kitchen. All the while, dealing with my own OCD and a bunch of forgotten acronyms. I have this under control. I play my position well. I may not get paid for being the mother, wife, lover, chauffeur, cook, laundress, maid, nurse, therapist, maintenance, inventory specialist, janitor, housekeeper, IT specialist, hostess, party planner, personal assistant, stylist, interior designer, interior decorator, encyclopedia, dictionary, and psychic medium; just to name a few. Add synesthete (more here, here, here, and here), intuitive empath (more here and here), artist, future author and entrepreneur to that list and it should sound about right. Now, if this is not work, I don't know what is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)